Hurt...

I wish I could be an angel, who is holy, who can always be nice to everyone.
I wish I could be someone who is always there for those whom I love.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. But I think I just did.
Why does someone have to get hurt because of ME?
Why should it be me?
I'm just a girl who has nothing..
I have a lot of imperfections...

For someone, who feels hurt by me...
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to
Actually my heart weeps too
and it's probably as painful as yours

So please, don't you think you've been hurt
Because when you said I hurt you, you hurt me too...
Then we both are hurt...

I wish I could be an angel, who can bring happiness always
I wish I could be what you want...

Lock My Heart

I don't want to fall in love too soon...
Love is dangerous
Love hurts
But lots of people think that it is just a game
to keep and to forget

Hope I don't make the same mistake
over and over again
So I pray to Him
to lock my heart, and throw away the key

and maybe someday, sometime
someone will find it...
someone who has been destined to be with me
someone who will love me for I am
forever

But now
I just want to lock my heart...and throw away the key
I'm not going to fall in love until I meet the right guy!

I'm a liar!!!!

I feel so guilty today. I lied to my family. Actually it's not really a big problem, but still, it makes my heart beat fast.
It's because I don't want to be yelled at. I know I act like a coward, but when they frown their face it feels like the world is going to end. I just don't want to lose their trust.
So here I am now. I have to face the consequences. Now I'm more afraid of God's anger. Will He forgive me? I regret what I did, although I still don't dare say the truth to my parents. I really want to tell them, but I am 100% sure they will lecture me :(
Now I just can pray to Him, hoping that He'll forgive me for my sin. I promise to pay it back to them...

Berhubung ini adalah hari kemerdekaan, aku tulis postingan ini pakai Bahasa Indonesia. Nasionalisme, gitu! :p
Hari ini ulangtahunku juga lho. Rasanya aneh juga sih ulangtahun bersamaan dengan kemerdekaan Indonesia. Sejak dulu tanggal ulangtahunku memang paling diingat oleh teman-teman hahaha
Hari ini sebenarnya tidak ada yang spesial. Rasanya hanya seperti melewatkan hari Minggu bersama keluarga. Maksudku, tidak ada suasana yang berbeda, mengingat hari ini adalah hari ulangtahunku. Bukan berarti aku tidak senang sih. Aku senang, tadi aku dan keluargaku nonton film bersama, setelah itu jalan-jalan di Galleria...Pokoknya kegiatan biasa yang menyenangkan!
Saat ini aku sudah 18 tahun...Sudah tua nih T.T
Sebenarnya aku ingin tetap 17 tahun terus...karena 18 tahun berarti aku telah menginjak awal kedewasaan. Aku merasa aku belum cukup dewasa untuk menjadi dewasa (hah?)
Yah, begitulah. Aku masih belum mencapai apa yang kuinginkan untuk menjadi seseorang yang lebih baik.
Karena itu, di usia 18 tahun ini, aku memiliki resolusi:
1. Kuliah dengan baik
IP=4!!! Tidak ada yang mustahil kan? hehehe
2. Meningkatkan kemampuan bermain musik
Aku harus ikut ujian untuk jadi guru secepatnya!!! Aku sudah cukup lama belajar musik nih...Tapi aku juga harus meningkatkan teknikku, tidak boleh kacau!
3. Dapat pekerjaan sambilan
Ini masih berhubungan dengan nomor 2...aku ingin menyambi mengajar musik atau Bahasa Inggris...hehehe
4. Lebih banyak teman
Gak perlu dijelaskan, udah tau sendiri kan hehehe

Kurang lebih begitu...Aku pasti bisa deh!!! :)

If you read this blog....

It doesn't mean that you truly know me. Whatever I write here just shows the outer side of me...
It's right, I tell a lot of my feeling, but not everything.
There are many things that can't be shared.
Actually, I also keep a diary book. It shows so much more than these.
But somehow I can't trust my diary either. I'm afraid that someday someone will secretly read it and I'll be very embarrassed.
So...what should I do? Personally I'm an introverted person. I like to hide and be invisible, because I don't want to burden anyone. If I have problem I just want to solve it myself, I try not to be so dependent on people.
But sometimes I feel so weak that I hope someone know what I feel, and he or she can understand me.
That's why I have this blog. I just want to share some pieces of my life...to you...

For the love of a granddaughter

Grandpa...

I know we haven't met for so long...
The last time I saw you was when I was in junior high school
You came over to our house, and we all were very happy to see you
We spent time together...laughed together...
I remembered you brought us dried seaweed...we loved it so much!
At that time, you told me that I was fat (it actually annoyed me!)
You loved to tell us your story when you were in China
I was so bad that I didn't like to share my room with my brother, because you would sleep in my brother's room
But it surprised me, because you didn't even want to sleep in our room
You chose empty, dark shack upstairs instead, and slept on the floor.
You didn't care about your health...you smoked a lot!

Sometimes I thought to myself
When will we meet again?
We are all going to miss you!

Why, grandpa?
You come and leave too soon
We still have much to share
I haven't shown you that I made a lot of changes since then
You know, I'm not that fat anymore
I'm wearing braces now, because my milk tooth doesn't have permanent tooth inside
I'm grown up, grandpa!
Do you still know my face?
This is me!
I want to show you that I will go and reach my dream!
I'm going to make you proud!

So I promise you
You will see me soar
You will smile for me up there
I won't let you down!

Goodbye, grandpa
I love you
We all love you

Finally the orientation days at my university end!!! Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Actually it was very exciting, because I met new friends, and the seniors weren't mean to us.
But on the other side it was boring. All we had to do was just sitting all day on the grass field while the professors or seniors gave us a lot of (somewhat) not understandable lecture. I almost fell asleep :p
I enjoyed game session. It's not just GAMES. Every games we played has the value of life. For example: "Tangan Ruwet". It shows that we have to work together and trust each other. Then there is "Terowongan Saru", which tells us to mingle with all friends...etc
Yeah it's over but we will have to meet again for the inauguration preparation. We're going to show one performance. Hope that we can do the best! :)