I want to disappear

A lot of strange things happened to me in the last 2 weeks. I completely can't understand me. I don't know what I feel, but it seems that I'm unable to focus on whatever I'm doing.
I shouldn't let this feeling come to myself. Stupid me.
Now I feel like disappearing, but unfortunately I couldn't.
This is not understandable.
I really hope that I can get over it...

Solitude

Now I'm sitting on this chair in the empty room. Perhaps the library is the place I like the most in this university. Here I can find calmness and silence. I'm away from the things that make me worried.
I love being alone. I just want to hide myself for a while.
It doesn't mean that I don't need anyone at all....but it seems that loneliness is my best friend because it always listens to what I think or feel without any complaint.
I know people will think that I'm weird or something else. Well, this is me. Take me as I am or not at all...I don't really care...

Apa yang kaurasakan
bila orang yang paling kau cintai melukaimu?
dengan kata-kata yang penuh amarah
seolah tak ada suara lain di dunia ini

Kau merasa ingin menjerit
tetapi mulutmu tiba-tiba membisu
Kau ingin menangis
tetapi air matamu telah kering
Kau ingin berontak
tetapi tubuhmu terasa lemah

Dan yang paling menyedihkan adalah
tak ada yang dapat kau lakukan
karena kau begitu mencintainya
sehingga sesakit apapun hatimu
Kau tetap bertahan hingga akhir


Pernahkah engkau...?

Saat ini aku merasa takut...
Aku takut bila pertahanan yang baru saja kupasang akan runtuh begitu saja
Aku takut masuk ke dalam lingkaran dimana tidak seharusnya aku berada
Bagaimana ini?
Mohon jangan bawa aku ke dalamnya...
Jangan robohkan pertahananku

Bila terus begini
Sanggupkah aku bertahan?

Tinggalkan aku sendiri sajalah...

How to fix the broken string

OK, I wish that I could do it. I mean, to fix our 'broken friendship'. But it seemed so useless. My friend is still mad at me, or perhaps he avoids to keep in touch with me. He ignored me. :(

Since that day (please read my previous post: "This is My True Feeling"), we haven't talked much. I really want to say something when I meet him, but these lips can only make a smile, and no words can be said. Actually what I always want to say to him is, "I don't want to lose you as my friend. Please be friends, will you?"
But I'm just too afraid to say it. I'm afraid if I hurt him again.
I wonder if he still has feeling for me. I just hope he doesn't and he has recovered from the 'wound' which was caused by me.

A lot of friends said, "When you reject a guy friend's feeling, he won't be your friend anymore and he'll get rid of you. Your friendship won't be the same."
I hope it's not true. I'll feel so bad if someone stops being my friend only because of that.

That's why I don't like that kind of feeling. Liking someone, then you are hurt. That's so cliche!
From now on I want to try not to involve myself into that feeling.


This broken string...
Let it be...
Perhaps it should be that way...