Hot Chocolate

In this rainy season, especially, at the end of the year, it feels so good to drink a cup of hot chocolate..It keeps you warm and relaxed.
You can just mix powdered chocolate, milk, and sugar together with hot water, and it's done.
But for me it's not done yet. I have a secret recipe.
Besides adding sugar and milk to my chocolate, I like to add some salt in it. Salt. Yes, salt. Sounds weird, doesn't it? But it's true.
Salt makes the chocolate taste smoother and more delicious.
It doesn't taste salty at all (although I am a big fan of salty food). It just enhances the flavour. You don't believe it?
Well, just try it first and taste how it is :)

Anyway, Happy New Year :D

a promise (un)kept

One of the best feelings in the world 
is when you meet him again
and you feel absolutely nothing: no hurt, no memories, no tears. 
It is when you realize that you have MOVED ON....


I'm letting you go,
 :)

29.11.12

The more I step forward
The more afraid I get
I don't know
It's as if I wanted to throw myself
away to the deep sea
and let the water perish me
I falter
and I cry
like nobody ever understands me
as if I were dead

Well, maybe I am.

Mom, Dad,
someday I'll bring you here
:)

Forgotten Memory

You were all that matters
but it hurt me so much
now a year without you
less sadness, less tears
yet it is strange
how you still linger in my mind
I miss you
why are you so special?
how can I be so stupid?


(17-11-12)

I Almost Do

performed by Taylor Swift

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
Cuz each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

Oh we made quite a mess babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess babe
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me

Dear You, wherever you are


Today  from the distance I saw you...
and, though you were near
I felt alone and empty..
then I realized
that I miss you..
I miss how happy I was only to see you
I miss the way you smiled,
the way you stared at me..
I miss how I missed you
when you're gone
I miss the way you made me feel..
I miss the way you used to be
What happened to you?
or, what happened to me?
what actually happened to us?


Love,

Me, wherever I might be

My kind of perfect

(performed by David Archuleta)
 
I was thinking about ya  
I drew a little picture  
But some things you can't put on paper
Like it like shooting stars? 
I write songs on guitar 
Got more things to do than stare at a mirror
 
I know, I know, she's gotta be out there, out there 
I know I know she's gotta be
Maybe I'm wrong 
Maybe I'm right 
Maybe I just let you walk by  
What can I say?
Maybe I've known you all my life  

Is she the one? 
Is it today? 
Will I turn the corner  
See my future in a beautiful face, maybe
 
She's anything but typical 
A sweet surprise 
No matter what, she's looking at the bright side
It's gonna be worth it 
'Cause that's what love is 
I'll keep searching for my kind of perfect
 
I know, I know, she's gotta be out there, out there I know, 
I know, she's gotta be
Maybe I'm wrong  
Maybe I'm right 
Maybe I just let you walk by 
What can I say?
Maybe I've known you all my life 

Is she the one? Is it today? 
Will I turn the corner  
See my future in a beautiful face, maybe
 
They say give it time  
Give it time, and it will fall in line 
But I keep wondering how and when  
And why I haven't met you
 
But maybe I'm wrong 
Maybe I'm right  
Is she the one? 
Is it today?  
Will I turn the corner 
See my future in a beautiful face, maybe
 
Maybe I'm wrong 
 Maybe I'm right 
Maybe I just let you walk by 
What can I say?
Maybe I've known you all my life 
Is she the one? Is it today? 
Will I turn the corner  
See my future in a beautiful face, maybe
I'll keep searching for my kind of perfect


__________________________________________________

Sometimes I envy my friends who seem to have got their 'soul mates'. And for me, it seems so hard to find him. Why haven't I met him yet?

People may say I am picky. 
Yes, I am.
But it's because I don't want to treat relationship as a game. I want to have a serious relationship. It is not about the status of being 'in a relationship'. I am totally not proud of it. What is it for if I am unhappy, and it doesn't last forever?

What is he like?
I just wonder if, right now, he is also thinking of me...
I hope I will meet him soon.
:)

Hero

(performed by Mariah Carey)

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are

There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
And you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold

You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Oh ho, Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yea

Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time, you find the way, hey

Then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Memang
aku tidak pernah benar dihadapanmu
tak peduli apapun yang kulakukan
kau bilang sayang padaku
melebihi apapun didunia ini
tapi kau bohong
ada seseorang
yang jauh lebih kau sayangi
mungkin selama ini
apa yang aku pikirkan memang benar
mungkin aku memang bukan milikmu
aku hanyalah sebuah pelarian
atas kekecewaanmu padanya
kau adalah miliknya
tidakkah kau sadar
bahwa ia tak sanggup menyayangimu?
mengapa kau masih berharap padanya
yang menganggapmu tiada
sementara aku yang berharap padamu
kauanggap tiada
mengapa kau tidak pernah
memberikan sedikit saja
secercah senyumanmu padaku
karena aku berusaha
selalu mencoba
membuatmu bahagia
meski aku tak sempurna
dan pada akhirnya
selalu saja
aku yang menangis

Pathetique Sonata, 3rd movement

The music I was playing is the beginning part of Pathetique Sonata (3rd movement), composed by Ludwig van Beethoven. Pathetique means sadness or sorrow.
The question is: should I also play it with a sad heart?
If so, then I'd like to dedicate this music to you, who somehow have made myself pathetic...

Hate On Me

Just go ahead and hate on me
hate on me
with the worst you have
does it bring you sore
aching down the core
Hate on me
til it hurts no more

Whatever you do
making me stronger
the more the anger
I am a moment wiser
it does get me eager
saying farewell to you

Just go ahead and hate on me
are you that fragile
hate on me
and with one teary smile
I leave for thousand mile

Dreams

Those dreams
are so close
yet so far
what to do
I do not understand
until I find out
It is I
myself
my mind
my heart
flying away
as I close my eyes

Reflection

A Bad Day (again)

I have a very bad habit when I have a bad day.
When I am not in a good mood, I always EAT ANYTHING I WANT, that often results in my guilty feeling because I am so mean to my body.
Today I did it again. I overate to the max. And it's been like 3 days...Oh my God, if I don't stop, soon or later I will turn into a pig! :(
But what can I do? These days have been so stressful for me. The tension is getting more and more. The farther I step, the harder it is...
I just hope to be strong and patient...Strengthen me, God! :)

When violet eyes get brighter
and heavy wings go lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
and I'll forget the world that I knew
but I swear I won't forget you

I wish I lived in the world of dreams

I wish I lived in the world of dreams
where I can be and do whatever I want
without tripping or falling
and tears are no longer needed

I wish I lived in the world of dreams
so you and I will be together
holding hands and never let go
the promise is forever and always

I wish I lived in the world of dreams
even if it were only a blink of my eyes

I wish, I wish I did...

Faint sigh

I don't know whether I am really ready or not. But I have to. This time.
It is my last chance. If I miss it, I might not be able to get it anymore. So, I have to work really hard now. It's definitely not easy but I shouldn't make the people I love disappointed. I promise to make them proud someday. Maybe right now I can't be that person, but I will always keep trying.
So, just see me in the end of this year, I hope I can achieve my goal :)

I feel unpretty

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today

My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm being stupid
I used to be so acute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I'll get back to me

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

When I Woke Up This Morning

When I woke up this morning
there was the same old me on the mirror
with red and swollen eyes staring
still the pain stabbing my soul

When I woke up this morning
yesterday stopped by to greet
reminding me of laughter
as well as endless tears to count

When I woke up this morning
a part of me was missing
I set your heart free
causing mine to freeze

When I woke up this morning
I wished I'd never woken up at all

Maria Caroline Samodra, November, 10 2011

New Year is Coming

I mean, it is Chinese New Year, an annual event that my family and I celebrate.
I am looking forward to being together with my big family again, just like last year :) It is the warmth and joy with them that I want. I am hoping that it can help me get rid of my stress and pressure for a while (coz this year is very stressful for me; there are a lot of things to achieve..it is very hard -.-)
It may be a little bit too early. Anyway, I just want to say:
xin nian kuai le (Happy New Year)
gong xi fa cai (Have a prosperous life)
shen ti jian kang (and a good health)
wan shi ru yi (may all your dreams come true)
\(^^)/

There is a kind of love that MUST not be divided.... It is love between a man and a woman...If you love someone, you should love him/her with all your heart. Don't divide your heart to other men/women...