I graduated

On 15 August 2014, the vice-chairperson of my study program announced that 24 students have become the freshgraduates of English Language Education Study Program of Sanata Dharma University. I was glad that one of them was me.
At that time, it felt like one of the most glorious minutes in my life. After almost a year of working nights and days on my thesis, I am finally allowed to put an S.Pd. next to my name.
It was true that I intended to achieve it in July. However, everything seemed wrong and it was in doubts and worries that I decided to have another month of preparation.
Nevertheless, I knew that my unstopping struggle had been paid off when my thesis advisor told me that I defended my thesis successfully and there was not a lot of revision to make.
This can only mean one thing: my journey has started and I must get prepared for more challenges in life. 
I would never have been able to do this without my Lord Jesus Christ and the support from my family and friends. I haven't figured out how but I hope someday I can be someone they are proud of.

Scarborough Fair

Are you going to Scarborough Fair:
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Remember me to one who lives there.
He once was a true love of mine.

On the side of a hill in the deep forest green.
Tracing of sparrow on snow-crested brown.
Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain
Sleeps unaware of the clarion call.

Tell him to make me a cambric shirt:
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;
Without no seams nor needle work,
Then he'll be a true love of mine.

On the side of a hill a sprinkling of leaves.
Washes the grave with silvery tears.
A soldier cleans and polishes a gun.
Sleeps unaware of the clarion call.

Tell him to find me an acre of land:
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;
Between the salt water and the sea strand,
Then he'll be a true love of mine.

War bellows blazing in scarlet battalions.
General order their soldiers to kill.
And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten.

Tell him to reap it with a sickle of leather:
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme;
And gather it all in a bunch of heather,
Then he'll be a true love of mine.

When

Here are my feet that cannot move
even standing is the hardest thing to do
Here is my voice that cannot speak.
even mumbling needs more than courage
Here are my wings that cannot fly
chained with pairs of insincerity
buried in tons of lies called love
as there is nothing free in this world
for every breath I take
for every movement I make
for every voice I scream
has its own price
When is my time?
 ____________________________________________

No, I don't need your money. 
I don't need your screaming with the worst that you can.
I don't need your love, which will surely go away when I don't listen to you.
What is love to you, anyway?
This time everything shall be my policy. 
This is my life, not yours.

What I wish for

is someone who would accept me as I am, my imperfection, my inability,
someone who would never try to make me someone I am not.
And everytime I try to open my heart again,
I always get disappointed because reality is not as good as what is imagined.
Not that I don't want to try again but it just brings too much burden for me
as thinking of someone other than me is not worth the pain, never.

Now I see that to be heartless is much better
so I can't get hurt anymore.

:)

For you I am

stupid, useless, careless, annoying, uncaring,
disobedient, hard-minded, ugly, born unwanted,
defeated, a bad girl, not going to grow up,
not him, rebellious, selfish,
always wrong, not smart enough,
not diligent enough.

and no matter what I do, 
I will never be good enough for you.

Hello, you, whoever you are
I know the time is not right as both you and I are in a long journey to catch our dreams. The fact is that I think about you; well, not always, but my mind starts to keep going after you. I see that it's so hard to see each other eye-to-eye. Actually, I can't promise you anything right now. We are both birds, I think, longing to spread our wings and fly away. Still, sometimes I feel the need to pause and take a break; and that's when I want to have you by my side. But where are you?
On my way to reach my future, I'm going to wait for you. If you are mine, I believe you'll be back. However, if you are not, you're never mine. 
:-)