For you

I am neither heartless nor unmerciful. When you looked at me out of desperation, I really felt that there was nothing between our never-attached bonds. The deepest part of my heart just told me that you are not for me and I am not for you. I am sorry for not giving those sparks of fireworks to you. But you can't shower me with thousands of gifts for I am not a doll living in a store. And, for me, seeing your name going along with every single text was like unstopping wakeup alarms in the middle of my tight sleep.

I am just not longing to be in a unity that I know would head for a steep cliff.
So, would you please step aside and let me walk my own way?

Stuck

Just imagine yourself sitting in front of computer, trying to write down few lines that can change your life forever. The thing is that it is not as easy as breathing. When one minute passes, you say "It's OK. Let's try again." It is five minutes already and it is like "Come on. Work faster." One hour..two hours and still nothing. And you will tell your brain "Dammit, stupid jerk."

It is a very daunting task to pretend as if I were being chased by bears, lions, or wild dogs. I still don't move no matter what happens. Perhaps to escape from reality I should keep this Confucian quote in my mind: "It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop." My question is: how slow can I go until I am at my wit's end?

The collision of the words "dead" and "line" is the weapon that kills me slowly right now. Everytime I keep in touch with this, nobody is my best friend. Not even my family, not even you, not even me.  Well, this goes along with how teary-eyed you get at the end of the torture.

Don't understand what I am trying to say? So here it is.

I hate thesis.

- The End -

10 Gejala Mahasiswa Tua

Bila anda merasakan hal-hal berikut terjadi, berarti anda adalah mahasiswa yang mengalami penuaan:
1.   Jarang ngampus buat masuk kelas (biasanya buat konsul skripsi atau bikin tugas)
2.   Sangat sering dipanggil dengan embel-embel "mas" atau "mbak"
3.   Setiap hari mikirin skripsi (tapi belum tentu dikerjakan, seringnya sih enggak)
4.   Lupa ambil kartu ujian akhir semester bahkan pada saat tenggat waktu pengambilannya
5.   Bingung setelah lulus mau ngelamar kerja dimana
6.   Ketemu banyak wajah mahasiswa yang tidak familiar di kampus
7.   Mupeng banget ngeliat temen-temen yang udah pada wisuda
8.   sering ditanya "Kapan lulus?"
9.   KTMnya udah hampir habis masa berlakunya
10. Stress karena hal-hal diatas

Yah bila anda merasa diri anda mahasiswa tua, ada 3 pilihan:
1. lanjutkan: maksudnya sih jadi mahasiswa abadi :p nggak capek?
2. keluar: ini yang gawat. Udah kuliah sampai tua kok jadi sia-sia ya...
3. lulus: daripada terus menua sampai jenggotan di kampus atau  percuma kuliah lama mending segera lulus :)

Kalau aku sih pilih cepet lulus aja hehehe. I am sick of being old :p


I will get my S.Pd.  in JULY 2014!!!!!!!!
:)

10 most miserable moments in your life

1. being never good enough for anyone
2. being judged by your appearance (or ethnicity, or religion) 
3. hiding your true feeling
4. falling in love with someone who loves someone else
5. thinking of someone who doesn't care about you
6. trying your best but failing instead
7. having a relationship that you know wouldn't last
8. imagining beautiful things that would never happen
9. feeling alone even if you have companies around you
10. pretending that everything is well

I want to tell you a great solution to your problems, no matter what they are.
When you face difficulties, and when you feel too tired to get over them all, the simplest step that
you can take is to...sleep. Easy, right?
You may think that it is strange. But really, when you sleep, you can run away from the reality even if it is only for a while.
If you sleep, at least you won't feel the pain you have in the real world. Even if you have a nightmare,
it is still better than dealing with the nightmare that you see once you wake up. 
The point is that if you ever feel like disappearing from this world, don't do something stupid like cutting yourself or consuming drugs. Just sleep and hope that everything will be alright..

Christmas is coming, but....

I don't know if I will be home for Christmas as my KKN (Kuliah Kerja Nyata) will probably be held on December 21 2013 to January 31 2014.
Anyway, I still hope that at least I stay here on Christmas day although in my family, Christmas is not Christmas. Mom and I (maybe Dad too) always go to the church the night before. It's quite a routine for us, which has become as cold as winter despite the absence of that season. The soaring tree doesn't give me even a little bit of spring in my heart.
This year, my brother won't be present because he's still out there for his Master's degree. I sometimes wonder how he is but the reality is that we never talk much. I can only pray for him that he will be able to finish his study well and get back here with us.
If I were given the chance to say my wish, I'd want the feeling of warmth, the feeling of being with my best friends, instead of love and respect established by fear.  
And, still, I want to be home for Christmas.