As I have said before, I don't like to hurt anyone's feeling. But now it seems that everything becomes more complicated...and it's because of me, I think.
OK, now I just wanna be honest to you. I'm tired of using that kind of poetic words...I'd better say it to you directly...hahaha. No offense to anyone :)
I have a guy friend. He was so kind and considerate to me. I consider him one of my best friends. But then everything changed. About two weeks ago he said he liked me. At first I didn't know what he meant. I didn't know what to say. Did he like me as a friend or more than a friend? Then, confusedly I told him that I liked him too as a friend. Well, he seemed disappointed and he said that he was serious, and he'd just forget about his feeling for me.
Then I realized that (perhaps) he liked me more than a friend (or perhaps I could say he had a crush on me). Oh My God...I thought I broke his heart :(
My heart was broken too, knowing that I might lose him as a friend.
Well, about my feeling for him...I don't really know. But it happened too quickly, because we just met about a month ago...It's just too fast to feel deeply about someone. Besides, what does he see in myself? I mean, I'm physically not attractive. I'm just a funny-looking girl who is often pinched when people see my face.
But it's obvious that I felt sad and guilty because of him.
I can't deny my own feeling. Until now I still hope that we can be friends, no need to avoid each other.
But there comes more problem. Today I just knew that one of my best friends, whom I met on the same day as I met him, seems to like him. She said that she and him get closer, and they often chat with each other. When I asked her how she felt about him, she told me that she only liked him as her brother, because she and him shared everything, include their feeling for someone they like. Then she told me that he actually had a crush on a PBI student, and he didn't want to tell her the name of the girl. She didn't know that the girl was me, and I don't want her to know. Just let it be between him and me....
Then I asked her if she felt something 'more special' than a brother. Although she said no, I feel that she likes him more than a brother (somehow I know what my friends feel, and it's often right). She said that his kindness towards her made her think that he likes her (Well, I think she doesn't really know his personality. He is kind to EVERYONE, which makes me unaware that he saw me 'that' way). So what can I say? I'm stuck between two persons whom I care about...:(
Perhaps everything is over now. I still don't know whether he has ended his feeling for me or not. I hope he has, because I don't want him or someone else to get hurt more. I hope when I meet him again, I can talk to him and make this problem clear. I just want everything to go back to normal again...:)
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