I know this is not a good post to begin the new year with. I realised that my emotions have been rather unstable, and I have this on-and-off relationship with God. Last year I was struggling with choices to make, and I thought that I'd found a glimpse of an answer from Him, making me feel a little bit relieved, but it turned out to be incorrect.
I was told to discern "His will" for my life, and to do so, I should "get more data" and see what He wants me to do. So I did, but I think I wanted an answer so badly that I might have forced that to happen.
Lately I was feeling a kind of hope, but, yes, now I know it was false, for if it was really the answer, it wouldn't be very hard for me. My life is already difficult, so why would I make it more difficult? Why do I need to move another mountain if I can't move my own mountains? Disappointing it may seem, but I am going to wallow and get over it eventually. Like people say, "if it is too good to be true, it probably is (and yes it is)."
Although God has His plans, I still believe that people have the free will to decide on their fate.
Or could it be that what He wants is not what I want?
Why is He so unpredictable?
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