Pikiranku kacau, bundet, runyam.
Rasanya seperti mau meledak.
Heran kenapa banyak sekali masalah menerpa
Pusing rasanya..
hhhhh!!!

Hani

(By Jamie Winship, taken from Chicken Soup for the College Soul, Copyright 1999 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen)


The day I met Hani Irmawati, she was a shy, seventeen-year-old girl standing alone in the parking lot of the international school in Indonesia, where I teach English. The school is expensive and does not permit Indonesian students to enroll. She walked up to me and asked if I could help her improve her English. I could tell it took immense courage for the young Indonesian girl in worn clothing to approach me and ask for my help. "Why do you want to improve your English?" I asked her, fully expecting her to talk about finding a job in a local hotel. "I want to go to an American university," she said with quiet confidence. Her idealistic dream made me want to cry. I agreed to work with her after school each day on a volunteer basis. For the next several months, Hani woke each morning at five and caught the city bus to her public high school. During the one-hour ride, she studied for her regular classes and prepared the English lessons I had given her the day before. At four o'clock in the afternoon, she arrived at my classroom, exhausted but ready to work. With each passing day, as Hani struggled with college-level English, I grew more fond of her. She worked harder than most of my wealthy expatriate students.

Hani lived in a two-room house with her parents and two brothers. Her father was a building custodian and her mother was a maid. When I went to their neighborhood to meet them, I learned that their combined yearly income was 750 U.S. dollars. It wasn't enough to meet the expenses of even one month in an American university. Hani's enthusiasm was increasing with her language ability, but I was becoming more and more discouraged. One morning in December 1998, I received the announcement of a scholarship opportunity for a major American university. I excitedly tore open the envelope and studied the requirements, but it wasn't long before I dropped the form in despair. There was just no way, I thought, for Hani to meet these qualifications. She had never led a club or an organization, because in her school these things simply did not exist. She had no guidance counselor and no impressive standardized test scores, because there were no such tests for her to take. She did, however, have more determination than any student I'd ever seen. When Hani came into the classroom that day, I told her of the scholarship. I also told her that I believed there was no way for her to apply. I encouraged her to be, as I put it, "realistic" about her future and not to plan so strongly on coming to America. Even after my somber lecture, Hani remained steadfast.

"Will you send in my name?" she asked. I didn't have the heart to turn her down. I completed the application, filling in each blank with the painful truth about her academic life, but also with my praise of her courage and her perseverance. I sealed up the envelope and told Hani her chances for acceptance ranged somewhere between slim and none. In the weeks that followed, Hani increased her study of English, and I arranged for her to take the Test of English Fluency in Jakarta. The entire computerized test would be an enormous challenge for someone who had never before touched a computer. For two weeks, we studied computer parts and how they worked. Then, just before Hani went to Jakarta, she received a letter from the scholarship association. What a cruel time for the rejection to arrive, I thought.

Trying to prepare her for disappointment, I opened the letter and began to read it to her. She had been accepted. I leaped about the room ecstatically, shocked. Hani stood by, smiling quietly, but almost certainly bewildered by my surprise. The image of her face in that moment came back to me time and time again in the following week. I finally realized that it was I who had learned something Hani had known from the beginning: It is not intelligence alone that brings success, but also the drive to succeed, the commitment to work hard and the courage to believe in yourself.

_______________________________________________

That story inspired me so much. I just realized that there is nothing you can't reach if you keep trying and believing. Nothing is impossible :)

Be Grateful, Things Could Be Worse

Be grateful when you were late to the campus in the morning
It could be worse if you were early
for you wouldn't be able to meet your good friends to walk with
and you would go to the class alone

Be grateful when there were several mistakes on your test
It could be worse if you made no mistakes
for it would make you feel
you don't need to study at all
which causes total stupidity

Be grateful when the lecturer explained boringly
It could be worse if the lecturer got your attention
for you couldn't talk to your friends at the class :p

Be grateful when you had to wait longer in the campus when the class was dismissed
It could be worse if you were able to go home directly
for you wouldn't have the chance to register to join free seminar
and you wouldn't be able to get free ticket and certificate

Be grateful when the rain fell on your head
it could be worse if the rain didn't fall at all
for the sunlight might sting you
and make your skin burned like barbeque

Be grateful when none of your friends accompanied you to meet the lecturer
It could be worse if all of your friends accompanied you to meet him
for the room would be jammed because of the students

Be grateful when you had to walk alone at night
It could be worse if you walked with your friends
for you wouldn't be able to get home faster
cause you'll not only walk, but also gossip through all the way

Be grateful for everything
Things could be worse... :)

A Long, Long Way to Go

I've been thinking all day. It seems so hard to chase my dreams. With a lot of university assignments and the upcoming final test, I doubt that I'd be able to balance everything. It's right that I don't have to study much for English-related subjects, but what about the other subjects which are not English-related, like Pengantar Pendidikan and Pendidikan Pancasila? Of course I have to study hard to get A*especially for Pendidikan Pancasila. I have a hard time understanding the materials :(*.
Well, I'm starting to think that it's almost impossible to get perfect GPA, but I do hope that it's not true.
My target is to finish studying in PBI in 3,5 years. Can I do it? :|
What about the other dream I have in my mind and my heart? Can I reach it too?
Besides, there are a lot of obstacles surrounding me. I can't tell you what they are. Actually I'm able to handle it, but somehow my defense is breaking down. That's why I have to keep strengthening myself to face the difficulties.

I definitely have a long way to go. Now what I can do is just believing in myself that I can...

I’m different, I’m not like others
Often I feel like I’m in the other world
unseen and unnoticed
No matter what I do
it changes nothing

The wound is now gone
There’s not a single scar left
I’ve closed the book of the past
But still, it can’t be like what it used to be
My heart keeps questioning
Who am I? Am I still me?

Then I meet you
It’s warmth that you’ve given
It’s happiness that I feel
You’re a stranger
but somehow there’s a bond
between you and me
Do you feel it too?
or is it just my own feeling?

You’re right there
I know you see me
but will you see me as I am?
I know you want me to open up
but will I be able to trust you?

Tell me, help me
Get me out of this sorrow!

Actually this time I don't really feel like writing. I have a lot of things in my mind that complicate me. But I think I just want to write as these hands guide me.

I feel so uncertain this time. It's just about a decision-making, but it seems so hard to see which is right and which is wrong. I want to follow my heart, but what will others think or feel about me? If I follow my mind, I know it'll hurt a lot.
I've prayed to Him to help me make a wise decision though until now I still can't find the answer.


Stupid me. I wonder why I keep involving myself into such thing...