10 most miserable moments in your life

1. being never good enough for anyone
2. being judged by your appearance (or ethnicity, or religion) 
3. hiding your true feeling
4. falling in love with someone who loves someone else
5. thinking of someone who doesn't care about you
6. trying your best but failing instead
7. having a relationship that you know wouldn't last
8. imagining beautiful things that would never happen
9. feeling alone even if you have companies around you
10. pretending that everything is well

I want to tell you a great solution to your problems, no matter what they are.
When you face difficulties, and when you feel too tired to get over them all, the simplest step that
you can take is to...sleep. Easy, right?
You may think that it is strange. But really, when you sleep, you can run away from the reality even if it is only for a while.
If you sleep, at least you won't feel the pain you have in the real world. Even if you have a nightmare,
it is still better than dealing with the nightmare that you see once you wake up. 
The point is that if you ever feel like disappearing from this world, don't do something stupid like cutting yourself or consuming drugs. Just sleep and hope that everything will be alright..

Christmas is coming, but....

I don't know if I will be home for Christmas as my KKN (Kuliah Kerja Nyata) will probably be held on December 21 2013 to January 31 2014.
Anyway, I still hope that at least I stay here on Christmas day although in my family, Christmas is not Christmas. Mom and I (maybe Dad too) always go to the church the night before. It's quite a routine for us, which has become as cold as winter despite the absence of that season. The soaring tree doesn't give me even a little bit of spring in my heart.
This year, my brother won't be present because he's still out there for his Master's degree. I sometimes wonder how he is but the reality is that we never talk much. I can only pray for him that he will be able to finish his study well and get back here with us.
If I were given the chance to say my wish, I'd want the feeling of warmth, the feeling of being with my best friends, instead of love and respect established by fear.  
And, still, I want to be home for Christmas.

Kepergianmu

Aku tak pilu, aku tak lara atasmu
yang terbang dengan sayap
yang kaupinjam dari langit
kita memang berbeda
seperti pecahan kaca
yang tak dapat menyatu
bagiku kau ada dan tiada
gelap dalam terangku
tanpamu jalan ini tetaplah luas
matahari kan tetap bersinar
namun pada kenyataanya
aku takut rindu padamu
walau aku  tak berduka olehmu
maka kukirim seuntai doa
beserta pengharapan
supaya kau dapat menjadi kokoh
meski selamanya aku dan kau
adalah air dan minyak
semoga kau baik-baik saja

dan aku disini
berselimutkan asa tak pasti
ingin kurenggut mimpi
dalam detik yang berlari

namun sesal telah menanti
bahkan hujanpun tak terganti

andai kuhidup dalam mati
kan kukenang dalam hati
semua masa yang terhenti


Yogyakarta, 23 November 2013

Hanya sebatas pemikiran

Orang bilang bahwa manusia sama seperti angsa: mereka diciptakan berpasangan.  Seringkali aku bertanya-tanya akan hal itu. Apakah benar? Memang bila aku lihat sekitarku, banyak temanku yang berpasangan bak angsa yang dimabuk cinta.  Beberapa bahkan sudah menikah. Bahagia sekali yah mereka.
Bagaimana denganku?
Sebenarnya, hingga detik ini aku masih mempertanyakan kebenaran keyakinan banyak orang tersebut.
Apakah aku juga diciptakan berpasangan?
Aku pernah merasakan berpasangan. Namun aku tidak bahagia dan selalu menangis. Lebih baik sendiri.
Dan aku menyimpulkan bahwa orang yang menjadi pasanganku dulu, bukanlah pasangan yang diciptakan Tuhan untukku.
Aku pun terus menunggu dan menunggu...
Tapi setiap orang yang aku temui selalu saja terasa tidak tepat...
Sungguh tidak mudah mencari pasangan...
Atau aku memang ditakdirkan untuk sendiri?