Aku nggak tahu apa yang aku rasakan. Mau bilang takut, enggak. Sedih, juga enggak. Tapi hatiku terasa nggak enak banget entah kenapa. Aku bingung. Aku nggak mau menghadapi apa yang ada di depanku. Tapi entahlah...Aku ragu...
Tak apa jika aku yang disakiti, karena aku sudah kebal akan itu. Tapi aku tak ingin menyakiti, karena jujur aku peduli. Jadi aku berharap biarlah waktu yang menjawab.
Please forget about me...
I don't know how to face it
Really I don't want to hurt you more.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
This is my true feeling...
As I have said before, I don't like to hurt anyone's feeling. But now it seems that everything becomes more complicated...and it's because of me, I think.
OK, now I just wanna be honest to you. I'm tired of using that kind of poetic words...I'd better say it to you directly...hahaha. No offense to anyone :)
I have a guy friend. He was so kind and considerate to me. I consider him one of my best friends. But then everything changed. About two weeks ago he said he liked me. At first I didn't know what he meant. I didn't know what to say. Did he like me as a friend or more than a friend? Then, confusedly I told him that I liked him too as a friend. Well, he seemed disappointed and he said that he was serious, and he'd just forget about his feeling for me.
Then I realized that (perhaps) he liked me more than a friend (or perhaps I could say he had a crush on me). Oh My God...I thought I broke his heart :(
My heart was broken too, knowing that I might lose him as a friend.
Well, about my feeling for him...I don't really know. But it happened too quickly, because we just met about a month ago...It's just too fast to feel deeply about someone. Besides, what does he see in myself? I mean, I'm physically not attractive. I'm just a funny-looking girl who is often pinched when people see my face.
But it's obvious that I felt sad and guilty because of him.
I can't deny my own feeling. Until now I still hope that we can be friends, no need to avoid each other.
But there comes more problem. Today I just knew that one of my best friends, whom I met on the same day as I met him, seems to like him. She said that she and him get closer, and they often chat with each other. When I asked her how she felt about him, she told me that she only liked him as her brother, because she and him shared everything, include their feeling for someone they like. Then she told me that he actually had a crush on a PBI student, and he didn't want to tell her the name of the girl. She didn't know that the girl was me, and I don't want her to know. Just let it be between him and me....
Then I asked her if she felt something 'more special' than a brother. Although she said no, I feel that she likes him more than a brother (somehow I know what my friends feel, and it's often right). She said that his kindness towards her made her think that he likes her (Well, I think she doesn't really know his personality. He is kind to EVERYONE, which makes me unaware that he saw me 'that' way). So what can I say? I'm stuck between two persons whom I care about...:(
Perhaps everything is over now. I still don't know whether he has ended his feeling for me or not. I hope he has, because I don't want him or someone else to get hurt more. I hope when I meet him again, I can talk to him and make this problem clear. I just want everything to go back to normal again...:)
OK, now I just wanna be honest to you. I'm tired of using that kind of poetic words...I'd better say it to you directly...hahaha. No offense to anyone :)
I have a guy friend. He was so kind and considerate to me. I consider him one of my best friends. But then everything changed. About two weeks ago he said he liked me. At first I didn't know what he meant. I didn't know what to say. Did he like me as a friend or more than a friend? Then, confusedly I told him that I liked him too as a friend. Well, he seemed disappointed and he said that he was serious, and he'd just forget about his feeling for me.
Then I realized that (perhaps) he liked me more than a friend (or perhaps I could say he had a crush on me). Oh My God...I thought I broke his heart :(
My heart was broken too, knowing that I might lose him as a friend.
Well, about my feeling for him...I don't really know. But it happened too quickly, because we just met about a month ago...It's just too fast to feel deeply about someone. Besides, what does he see in myself? I mean, I'm physically not attractive. I'm just a funny-looking girl who is often pinched when people see my face.
But it's obvious that I felt sad and guilty because of him.
I can't deny my own feeling. Until now I still hope that we can be friends, no need to avoid each other.
But there comes more problem. Today I just knew that one of my best friends, whom I met on the same day as I met him, seems to like him. She said that she and him get closer, and they often chat with each other. When I asked her how she felt about him, she told me that she only liked him as her brother, because she and him shared everything, include their feeling for someone they like. Then she told me that he actually had a crush on a PBI student, and he didn't want to tell her the name of the girl. She didn't know that the girl was me, and I don't want her to know. Just let it be between him and me....
Then I asked her if she felt something 'more special' than a brother. Although she said no, I feel that she likes him more than a brother (somehow I know what my friends feel, and it's often right). She said that his kindness towards her made her think that he likes her (Well, I think she doesn't really know his personality. He is kind to EVERYONE, which makes me unaware that he saw me 'that' way). So what can I say? I'm stuck between two persons whom I care about...:(
Perhaps everything is over now. I still don't know whether he has ended his feeling for me or not. I hope he has, because I don't want him or someone else to get hurt more. I hope when I meet him again, I can talk to him and make this problem clear. I just want everything to go back to normal again...:)
Monday, September 6, 2010
My First Job as an Altar Server :)
Today Cana Community had altar server meeting. There were only 6 newbies there (3 seniors and 3 juniors) include me. I didn't know why there were only a few who came. Could it be because of the rain?
Among all the newbies, I'm the most inexperienced altar server-to-be. I have never been an altar server before, whereas the others have. I was a little bit ashamed :p
We practiced a little. I was very clumsy. I didn't even know the name of most of the mass instruments. But it seemed that the seniors didn't mind. hahaha. Even they give me the job as an altar server. It'll be on Sunday, September 26.
Oh My God! Me? Altar server? Finally I will be an altar server. I'm so happy :)
Hope I can do it well :)
Among all the newbies, I'm the most inexperienced altar server-to-be. I have never been an altar server before, whereas the others have. I was a little bit ashamed :p
We practiced a little. I was very clumsy. I didn't even know the name of most of the mass instruments. But it seemed that the seniors didn't mind. hahaha. Even they give me the job as an altar server. It'll be on Sunday, September 26.
Oh My God! Me? Altar server? Finally I will be an altar server. I'm so happy :)
Hope I can do it well :)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Cana
I decided to join Cana Community in my university. Do you know what Cana means?
Well, it's taken from the Bible. Jesus performed His first miracle in Cana. So that's why the name is Cana.
In Cana Community, we are taught to serve God and other people, by being church participants, doing social work, etc.
I want to join it because my heart asked me to. I always feel that He has given me a lot. I want to give back to Him, although it's impossible because His love for me is unlimited, whereas I'm only a human who always sins against Him and others. Besides, I've always wanted to be a church participant (e.g altar server, lector, etc) but there is always something that doesn't let me do it - something I can't say here. So now that I've got the chance, I want to praise and serve Him with everything I have.
But because of Cana, yesterday I got lectured because I went home at 7 PM, whereas every organization in my university starts in the evening....I don't really know what to do. I think I just have to give them some explanations, and hopefully they'll understand. But I promise to myself that it won't affect my GPA!
I wanna do and balance everything with love :)
Well, it's taken from the Bible. Jesus performed His first miracle in Cana. So that's why the name is Cana.
In Cana Community, we are taught to serve God and other people, by being church participants, doing social work, etc.
I want to join it because my heart asked me to. I always feel that He has given me a lot. I want to give back to Him, although it's impossible because His love for me is unlimited, whereas I'm only a human who always sins against Him and others. Besides, I've always wanted to be a church participant (e.g altar server, lector, etc) but there is always something that doesn't let me do it - something I can't say here. So now that I've got the chance, I want to praise and serve Him with everything I have.
But because of Cana, yesterday I got lectured because I went home at 7 PM, whereas every organization in my university starts in the evening....I don't really know what to do. I think I just have to give them some explanations, and hopefully they'll understand. But I promise to myself that it won't affect my GPA!
I wanna do and balance everything with love :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Hurt...
I wish I could be an angel, who is holy, who can always be nice to everyone.
I wish I could be someone who is always there for those whom I love.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. But I think I just did.
Why does someone have to get hurt because of ME?
Why should it be me?
I'm just a girl who has nothing..
I have a lot of imperfections...
For someone, who feels hurt by me...
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to
Actually my heart weeps too
and it's probably as painful as yours
So please, don't you think you've been hurt
Because when you said I hurt you, you hurt me too...
Then we both are hurt...
I wish I could be an angel, who can bring happiness always
I wish I could be what you want...
I wish I could be someone who is always there for those whom I love.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. But I think I just did.
Why does someone have to get hurt because of ME?
Why should it be me?
I'm just a girl who has nothing..
I have a lot of imperfections...
For someone, who feels hurt by me...
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to
Actually my heart weeps too
and it's probably as painful as yours
So please, don't you think you've been hurt
Because when you said I hurt you, you hurt me too...
Then we both are hurt...
I wish I could be an angel, who can bring happiness always
I wish I could be what you want...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Lock My Heart
I don't want to fall in love too soon...
Love is dangerous
Love hurts
But lots of people think that it is just a game
to keep and to forget
Hope I don't make the same mistake
over and over again
So I pray to Him
to lock my heart, and throw away the key
and maybe someday, sometime
someone will find it...
someone who has been destined to be with me
someone who will love me for I am
forever
But now
I just want to lock my heart...and throw away the key
I'm not going to fall in love until I meet the right guy!
Love is dangerous
Love hurts
But lots of people think that it is just a game
to keep and to forget
Hope I don't make the same mistake
over and over again
So I pray to Him
to lock my heart, and throw away the key
and maybe someday, sometime
someone will find it...
someone who has been destined to be with me
someone who will love me for I am
forever
But now
I just want to lock my heart...and throw away the key
I'm not going to fall in love until I meet the right guy!
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