How you make me feel

For you who have deceived me,

This is one of the lowest points in my life; and you are not even here--literally and not literally.  Physically you are not with me, and you left me only with the saying that "distance means nothing when someone is worth anything."

At first, I wanted to believe it even after you hurt me so much (that the pain still exists now). But I feel like a fool right now to have believed in lies you've been telling me. You used to be my alarm, my companion, my shoulder to cry on but then you started to take me for granted. I thought you wouldn't do it but you did that. You don't know how much I struggle to hold on and how many days I count til the sufferings end. I've tried to keep myself doing a lot of things but at the end of the day, still, I am the one who feels so empty.

This is the result of my stupidity; it is so unfair that you always become the one that leaves me, and that I always become the one that watches you going away. It's hard to forget you and, day by day, it would only get harder to do so. Sadly, I realized that you feel the other way around. You only use this situation to let go of me slowly. You succeeded; I've fallen into your trap, with the growing belief that someday we'd end up happily.

I want to be the one who leaves, before you leave me further and forget me for good. I've always cared for your feelings; everyday I'd hope that you'd be free from any pain and sickness. Now that you've got over it, why are mine never taken into account? This time I'm protecting myself from more wound caused by you. Anyway, my presence (or absence) doesn't matter to you as much as yours do to me. I'm just your toy...