dan aku disini
berselimutkan asa tak pasti
ingin kurenggut mimpi
dalam detik yang berlari

namun sesal telah menanti
bahkan hujanpun tak terganti

andai kuhidup dalam mati
kan kukenang dalam hati
semua masa yang terhenti


Yogyakarta, 23 November 2013

Hanya sebatas pemikiran

Orang bilang bahwa manusia sama seperti angsa: mereka diciptakan berpasangan.  Seringkali aku bertanya-tanya akan hal itu. Apakah benar? Memang bila aku lihat sekitarku, banyak temanku yang berpasangan bak angsa yang dimabuk cinta.  Beberapa bahkan sudah menikah. Bahagia sekali yah mereka.
Bagaimana denganku?
Sebenarnya, hingga detik ini aku masih mempertanyakan kebenaran keyakinan banyak orang tersebut.
Apakah aku juga diciptakan berpasangan?
Aku pernah merasakan berpasangan. Namun aku tidak bahagia dan selalu menangis. Lebih baik sendiri.
Dan aku menyimpulkan bahwa orang yang menjadi pasanganku dulu, bukanlah pasangan yang diciptakan Tuhan untukku.
Aku pun terus menunggu dan menunggu...
Tapi setiap orang yang aku temui selalu saja terasa tidak tepat...
Sungguh tidak mudah mencari pasangan...
Atau aku memang ditakdirkan untuk sendiri?

Suddenly

Suddenly
I drop the rain on the sand
it blends with the chants
of the falling leaves
that long to fly away
following the melody
sung by winter wind
Give me more rays of light
and I will trade your prayers
with our promise
that sinks my heart away

Scars

They are nothing but scars,
crafted over grave of wars,
gleaming in crimson jars.

They are hears that grow teary,
washing off every mystery,
as company spills misery.

They will sleep and hatch,
to rise up with raging match,
that life cannot even catch.

When cold creeps to toe,
stay with three or two,
leave them all black too. 

Cause they are nothing,
but scars.

Guilty Pleasure

At last he got up and went along to the bedroom, and when he was at the door, he saw a woman in a red dress. He kept watching her without being able to move. She did not put on any makeup. However, the beauty of her naked face was mesmerizing enough to leave him numb. She approached him slowly but sure, as gracious as dancing swan. The taps on the floor broke the silence.
"I know what you just did," she said to him in an investigating manner.
"No, you don't," he quickly replied.
But the tone of his voice cannot conceal the meaning beyond it.
He turned his face away, knowing that she could easily read the truth.
"Look at me!" She raised her voice.  She grabbed his cheeks with her hands and their eyes were locked together. The time seemed frozen to both of them. She examined himself in disgust.
Suddenly the memories came back to her enraged self. For all these seven years, she had given everything to him; her sacrifice had been too much. It was more than thousands of times he had caused her to blast in fury.
When she looked deeper into his eyes, the fire in her eyes ceased and turned into clouds of disappointment.
"I was away only for a while and you..."
"Please believe me. I don't do it! It was just..." He tried to explain in vain.
"Oh, I can't believe it.You did it again!" She yelled.
She released her hands from his face and turned away.  Deep inside, he knew it was not fair at all to her.
But he was not fully aware of what he was doing. The temptation was just too hard to resist. He could not stand being alone without longing  for a little pleasure, eventhough it would mean hurting her.
She didn't want to cry, for if she cried, it only showed that she was overly weak.
Realizing that it was no use to stay that way forever, she turned back to him and moved her face closer to his--close enough to hear each other's sigh. She touched his lips with one of her fingers and started caressing them. Her emotions were washed away, making her finally able to speak with a more neutral voice.
"Next time, Johnnie, don't play with my makeup again. It's expensive, you know."
"I'm sorry, Mom."
 
THE END

The Point of No Return

At this point, when it is getting peaceful
you are starting to question yourself
what do you study for?
why do you get yourself involved in all these things?
you go to class everyday, afraid of missing every single moment
you do everything your professors want you to do
living up to their expectations,
eventhough it means your sacrificed happiness
you hope they will always smile upon you
but when they don't, your life is over
what is it for?
have you really learned something?
so you have that ideal GPA
which is just  "a piece of paper"
does it guarantee that you will survive later?
at this point, you are sick of everything
at this point, you want to leave all of these
but you can't
there is no choice you have
is it responsibility or is it fate?
in the end
no matter what you do
you will always be a
silly
little
fool